


Needing You

by acclaimedwriter, Fairheads



Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29067189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acclaimedwriter/pseuds/acclaimedwriter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairheads/pseuds/Fairheads
Summary: AU. The relationship between Charlie and Duffy was always complicated, they weren't quite together but did enjoy each others company most nights. When Duffy is raped, Charlie isn't sure what it is Duffy needs from him anymore. [AU for S1, trigger warning for rape, do not read if makes you uncomfortable]
Relationships: Lisa "Duffy" Duffin/Charlie Fairhead
Kudos: 4





	Needing You

Charlie glanced up as he saw the arrival of the ambulance through the doors and the staff but then looked down at the chart he was reading. He just needed to finish this before he forgot everything he was supposed to write down.

"Charlie.. you might want to take this one?" The paramedics said as they wheeled the patient into the first cubicle.

Charlie frowned as he followed the paramedics into the cubicle, "Why?"

Pulling back the curtain, he was shocked to find Duffy sitting on the bed with her legs raised up in front of her. His eyes further widened as he ran his gaze over her, shit! 

"Yeah I'll deal with this one." He smiled sadly as the paramedics left, leaving them alone. He drew the curtains back around the cubicle, giving them some privacy. 

"Duffy, what happened?" He asked trying to take in her appearance and any obvious signs of injury.

"Nothing," she answered back although she wouldn't stop hugging her knees.

"Okay." It was clear that something had happened to her. She was covered in cuts and bruises and her hair was dishevelled and her uniform ripped, "do you want me to get someone else to treat you?" He asked her softly.

She remained silent as she listened to the words. The truth was, she didn't want anyone else to see her in this state. It had been bad enough that they'd insisted on getting Charlie!

"No! There's nothing to treat, I'm fine!"

Charlie pulled up a chair next to her and sat down, "you have some cuts and bruises that I'd like to help you with but I can't force you to have treatment. You know that."

"I'll... I'll be ok." She whispered.

"Duffy..." He reached for her arm but she flinched and looked terrified.

"Don't touch me!" She warned, her voice trembling.

"Okay." He held his hands up in the air innocently. He was starting to ascertain just what might have happened. 

"Duffy," He took a deep breath, "sweetheart, have you been assaulted?"

Duffy squeezed her eyes tightly shut and tightened her grip around her knees. She began to frantically shake her head, "No! No!"

Charlie didn't believe her.

"Did you have an accident?"

"No!"

"I'll just go and get some supplies."

"Leave me alone!" She begged.

"Okay, shall I send someone else in?"

"No!" She shook her head.

"Is there anything I can get you?"

She shook her head again and he sighed. He didn't really want to leave her but his presence here was just causing her more anxiety. 

"I'll come and see you again later?"

"Stay." She whispered.

Charlie's eyes widened. He was really surprised by her response and his eyebrows raised. Sitting back down in the seat, he'd vacated a few seconds earlier, he watched her carefully, wondering what exactly was going through her mind.

"You're going to be ok, I'm here."

Duffy was quiet. Part of her didn't want to be alone but the other half didn't want anyone to be with her. She moved slightly closer to Charlie but still kept some distance between them, her knees still by her chest. Charlie didn't push her to talk, just sat with his hand resting on top of the bed near her.

"When can I go home?" 

"You know you're not obliged to stay, but we were hoping we might be able to give you a once over, check your injuries before you do."

"I just want to go home."

"My shift finishes soon, I can give you a lift if you want?" He paused for a few seconds, "you might need some stitches in your head and your hand that I can see."

She sighed sadly, "it hurts."

"Where?" He asked softly, looking at her ripped tights and bruised legs and somewhat fearing the answer she was going to give. 

"Everywhere."

"I can get you some painkillers?"

She rested her head against her knees and stayed silent. Her body was aching and sore but worst of all, it was the anxiety inside her stomach. It was the fear and the confusion because she didn't know what she was supposed to do next.

"Please, thank you."

"I'll be right back."

He left her shaking and returned not long after with the drugs, a cup of tea and some water for her. By this point she'd curled up into a ball on the bed, her back to the entrance of the cubicle. 

"Duffy?"

She let out a startled shriek. 

"Sorry I.." he placed the items on the side beside the bed, "Before you have anything to drink, do you want to speak to the police?"

"No, no police!"

"They can help, find who did this..."

"Noone did anything, I tripped!"

"Duffy.." He didn't believe her. The injuries she'd sustained weren't those that you'd sustain after a trip, even if you'd tripped down the stairs.

"I tripped!"

"Okay... so can I take a look at your wounds?"

Duffy knew all the things she should do. Her nursing brain and eye told her she needed an examination but the whole thought of anyone else knowing what he'd done to her, was too much to bare. She nodded quickly and sat up, her hands and body still trembling.

Charlie put some gloves on and talked her through what he was doing.

"I'm just going to start with your head."

Duffy knew Charlie would never hurt her, she trusted him implicitly. However, as he got closer to her, her breathing began to quicken to the point she thought her heart was going to explode out of her chest. He tried to help her relax by explaining everything he was doing.

"You can tell me to stop at any point. I'm going to check your scalp first."

"O--ok." She squeezed her eyes tightly shut. He ran his fingers over her head, she had quite a deep cut on her forehead, but the read of her head seemed ok.

"Scalp is clear, I'm just going to check your neck now, could you learn forward a little please?"

She swallowed and did as he instructed, leaning forward a little. He ran his hand over the back of her neck and immediately felt her tense up.

"Look okay, shoulders seem okay."

Her eyes were still closed tightly and she'd bitten down so hard on her lower lip that she'd drawn blood.

"Would it be ok if I got you a gown to change into?"

She shook her head.

"Okay... lets look over your arms." He held her arm gently, there was clear bruising and cuts all over them and her hands, the restraint marks evident around her wrists. 

"No! Leave me alone Charlie!"

"Ok." He whispered letting go of her arm and moving away from her.

She began to cry softly, 

"Oh love, I don't know what you're going through but I'm here and I want to help you."

"You won't make me talk to the police, will you?"

"Duffy you are in control, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. You don't have to speak to the police but if you want to, you can give them a statement and they can conduct a forensic examination."

They both knew what they meant.

"Nothing happened! Why are you saying it did!" She began to shout at Charlie.

He sighed softly at being shouted at. "Okay, I'm not trying to upset you. I want to help. Can I at least stitch that wound on your head and hand?"

"I just want to go home."

"Okay, my shifts almost over. I can take you home? Are you sure you don't want stitches?"

"When I'm at home, can you do it then?"

He sighed and nodded, "I'll get what we need." He turned to leave and she whispered, "thank you."

Charlie went to collect his coat and a bag of supplies before returning to her cubicle. 

"Ready to go?" He asked her softly.

"Yeh."

She shuffled herself to the edge of the bed, grimacing because of the pain she was in. Charlie held his hand out in case she needed some help. She briefly hesitated before she placed her hand gently into Charlie's hand. With some difficulty, he helped her stand up. They both clocked that the bed had a blood stain from where she'd been sitting. Duffy swallowed as she looked at Charlie, her eyes wide in terror.

Charlie tried to keep his face calm but inside he was breaking, "It's going to be okay." He reassured.

Duffy rested her head against his chest. He was the only person she'd ever felt close too, the only man she'd ever trusted but he was never going to see her in the same way again, was he? He was always going to see her as a victim. Charlie exhaled, so grateful she was letting him hold her.

"Are you sure you're ready to go home?"

He desperately wanted her to be checked over by a doctor to make sure her intimate injuries didn't need any treatment. 

Duffy shook her head, "will you get Baz?" She whispered.

"Of course, I'll be right back." He put down his coat, the bag of supplies he'd managed to pinch and went to find Baz. Duffy got back onto the bed and curled up into a ball once he'd left.

He found Baz flicking through a patient chart, making some notes.

"Hi Baz, I was wondering if you could help me with a patient." Charlie started.

"Sure, what's the problem?"

Charlie gestured to the corner and lowered his voice. "It's Duffy. She's been brought in by ambulance with signs of physical and sexual assault. I've tried to check her over but she's terrified and just wants to go home. She's agreed for you to check her over, she's bleeding quite heavily."

"Shit!" Baz was devastated, they'd all heard about the attacks on nurses in recent weeks but they never thought one of their own could become a victim, "Take me to her? Do you know where she's bleeding from?"

He nodded, moving back through to cubicles with Baz following. "I'm not sure but I think we can both guess.."

Stepping inside the cubicle, she sighed softly at the younger woman. "Duffy, it's Baz,"

When Charlie entered behind Baz, he noticed that Duffy had tears rolling down her face. "I've got Baz, like you asked sweetheart." Charlie went to squeeze her hand, "I will leave you both to it." He explained.

As Charlie left the cubicle, Baz turned her attention back to Duffy, "Can I examine you? I promise to be gentle."

Duffy nodded, "I'm sorry." She said tearfully.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

Duffy didn't reply but began trying to remove her tunics, her hands shaking uncontrollably. 

"Do you want to go to the police?" She asked softly.

Duffy's eyes widened, she was terrified. "I..." She started but couldn't continue.

Baz sat on the edge of the bed near Duffy, "you wouldn't be on your own, if you did decide to go to the police. I'll be here."

"I don't know what to do." Duffy admitted in a whisper, her voice wobbling.

"Oh Duf." Baz sighed. 

"I thought he needed help..." Her hands were still trembling and Baz reached out gently and took her hands into hers. She listened to Duffy as she began to explain what had happened that night.

"I shouldn't have gone that way, it's my fault."

"No it isn't! You have every right to walk in the dark, Duffy!"

"I was just trying to help him but he grabbed my arm..." She held her wrist to herself tenderly, "and then..." She completely broke down.

Baz didn't know what to do or say but she knew Duffy needed to be comforted so wrapped her arms around her and held her. Duffy allowed Baz to hold her a few moments as she cried and after a few minutes, she whispered; "I think I'm bleeding."

Baz rubbed her back, "I know."

"Can you help me?"

"I can help you."

Duffy nodded.

She undid the rest of her tunic and pulled it off, accepting the hospital gown that Baz held out to her. She dressed and lay back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling, counting the tiles. 

"Would you like me to get the police so you can make a statement?"

"Can you examine me first?" Duffy looked desperately at Baz. She was uncomfortable and now half naked despite being covered by the hospital gown, she wasn't quite in the right frame of mind to want to be spoken to by the police.

"Of course, I'll examine you. I can also ask Charlie to grab you some clean clothes from yours if you like?"

Duffy nodded, biting her lower lip again. "I'm so sorry you have to do this."

"I'm just glad you feel you can trust me."

Duffy covered her eyes with her hand, she couldn't bare this any longer. It was so uncomfortable. Baz gently gave her an examination, there were various cuts and bruises on the young nurses body. Duffy tried not to wince every time Baz touched her. Her entire body ached.

"Have you had any paracetamol?"

Duffy shook her head.

"Do you want some?"

"When you're finished. Why am I bleeding?"

"I haven't got that far yet but it is probably trauma related."

"I just felt numb, like I wasn't in my own body."

"That's a perfectly normal response."

"I haven't slept with many people..." She whispered, unsure why she felt the need to share this with Baz.

"You can't let this define you, Duffy. You're going to come back stronger from this!"

"I don't know how, he's everything everything, he's taken me."

"He hasn't taken your strength."

Duffy shrugged, she didn't feel very strong, lying on the bed right now. She could tell Baz was preparing the equipment that was needed for the next and worst part of the examination. "Will you take the evidence swabs as well?"

"If you'd like me too?"

"Can we just do it all at the same time? I don't want to have to do this again.."

"Of course."

Duffy took a deep breath and braced herself as Baz explained everything she was going to do. As she spoke Duffy through it, she examined her and did what she needed to do.

"Do I need stitches?"

"No, you've got a laceration down there but it doesn't require stitches."

Duffy nodded as Baz pulled off her gloves having finished the examination. She handed her a blanket to cover herself up with, turning away slightly as Duffy redressed herself and sorted herself out.

"What happens now?" Duffy asked.

"I'll go and grab you some paracetamol and stitch up those wounds."

"Charlie can do that if you want to go."

"It's no bother."

"Thanks." Duffy was grateful for everything Baz had done for her.

Before long, Baz had patched Duffy up as best as she could. "Do you want me to get the police for you?" She asked gently.

Duffy sighed, "what would you do in my situation?"

Baz sighed softly, "I'd want that bastard to be caught but I'm not you. So its ok in you think differently, you have to do what is right for you."

"I just want to go home and have a bath!"

"I know... it wouldn't take long."

She played with the loose thread on the blanket, "I'm not strong enough to go through all this."

"What about if I stayed? Or I could get Charlie?"

"Would you stay?"

"Absolute, you can do this, we're all here for you."

Duffy nodded, a faint smile on her lips. "Thank you."

Baz left the cubicle and on her return, came back with two police officers. Duffy swallowed nervously, she thought she was going to throw up. 

"Hi there," the police woman introduced herself gently.

"Hi." Duffy whispered.

"We're very sorry for what has happened to you. We're here to take a statement in the hope that we may identify the perpetrator and prevent this from ever happening again. Are you okay to do that?"

Duffy nodded silently.

"First things first, when and where did the assault take place?"

"Tonight, Easter steps."

"What time?" The officer enquired.

"My shift here starts at 9 and I was running late so it may have been after nine."

The woman nodded, "I know this is going to be difficult for you but can you tell us what happened?"

Duffy looked at Baz for reassurance, she wasn't sure she could do this. Baz came to stand next to Duffy and told her to take her time.

"I don't usually go that way for work but I was running late and its a shortcut onto the main road. I um, I saw someone sat on the steps and I approached them."

She swallowed down the nausea that was slowly raising up from her stomach. 

"Okay, can you describe the person you saw?"

"It was dark," she squeezed her eyes shut but gave a description of the rapist.

"Can you remember what he was wearing?"

She shook her head.

"No problem. When you approached the man, what happened next?"

"I asked him if he was ok, I touched his wrist to check for a pulse and that's when he grabbed me."

The officers took some notes, "what happened next?"

Duffy shook her head frantically and broke down in tears. 

"It's okay, take your time."

"He... he grabbed my wrists and pushed me into the darkened part of the alley. Then he..." She moved quickly from the bed to throw up in the bin.

"You're doing really well, I know how difficult this must be."

"He raped me! He held me down and rape me whilst I tried to scream but nothing would come out!"

Duffy was full on sobbing now, "I'm so sorry." The officer asserted.

"This happened to me, not you!" She shouted through her sobs, becoming more distressed over replaying her memories.

"I know, we're going to leave this here but I'm going to leave you with my card. If you think of anything else, you let us know."

"Thank you." She took the card and fiddled with it in her hand.

"We also have some services that might be able to help you move forward." The lady passed her a victim support leaflet.

"I'll be fine." She refused to take the leaflet so the officer left it on the bed beside her and exited the cubicle, taking the relevant evidence with them. 

"Can I go home now?"

"Yes. Do you want me to go and find Charlie for you? He was going to give you a lift home?"

"Please."

Just before she left, Baz told her. "You were incredibly brave just now, Duffy. You are stronger than you think."

Duffy didn't feel brave, she just wanted to forget all this happened. It wasn't long before Charlie appeared, relieved to see her all stitched up. 

"Can you take me home now, please?"

"Of course I can." He removed his coat and wrapped it around her shoulders, knowing the only thing she had to wear was the hospital gown. He couldn't wait to take her home and run her the bath she was desperate to have.

"Thank you." She smiled weakly at his actions. 

"You ok to walk?" He held out his arm.

"Yeh."

"Lets get you home."

Together, they walked out of the department. Duffy was quiet, pulling Charlie's coat tighter around her, hoping nobody would talk and see her. Charlie had moved his car so it was nearer the front. He opened the passenger door for her and she carefully got into the car, wincing slightly when she realised she was tender to sit down.

Charlie shut the door, the bang of the door making Duffy jump, before making his way around to the drivers side. Her nails dug into the palm of her hand as she cried to stop herself from crying once more.

Charlie drove her home, the silence punctuated by occasional sniffs and gasps from Duffy.

He fought back the urge to reach over and squeeze her knee. He just wanted to do something, anything to comfort her but he didn't know how. He knew deep down, he had to let her be in control, for her to come to him.

Pulling up outside her place, he stopped the car. "Do you need anything?" He asked, lost on ways of how to help her through this.

"Would you stay?"

She looked terrified and desperate, it broke his heart. "Of course I will." He replied softly, turning the ignition off.

"Thank you."

Charlie got out of the car and waited whilst Duffy fumbled for her keys. She eventually found them and unlocked the door, both of them entered the flat. 

"I'm so sorry Duffy!" He whispered.

"It's not your fault."

He stepped towards her instinctively to give her a hug, like he always did and then stopped himself. She looked up at him, her eyes empty. "Let me have a bath, first."

"Okay, shall I make you some food?"

She shook her head, "I'm not hungry."

"Okay, shall I just wait here?"

"Keep me company in the bath but don't look?"

Charlie was confused, was she asking him to get naked with her in the bath? "Want me to talk to you whilst you're in the bath? I can sit by the door."

"Please."

Duffy went into the bathroom first and ran the water. She stripped off and climbed into the tub. Charlie sat facing away from her, his legs stretched out in front of him in the hallway. The water was burning hot but she didn't care. She began to scrub at her skin harshly, fighting back tears as the rough of the sponge and her cuts began to sting.

Charlie didn't know what to talk about, the silence between them vast. "Duffy?" He whispered.

"Yes?"

"You will get through this." He replied trying to convey to her the hope he had but she was missing.

"Will I Charlie?" She scrubbed at her skin again, "he's taken everything away from me!"

"He hasn't. He's hurt you but you are still you and you will get through this!"

"If you say so."

"There is help out there and I'm right here."

Duffy didn't answer but she stopped scrubbing her skin harshly. 

"I mean it when I say that, I'm not going anywhere. I care about you a lot."

"Even though I'm damaged?"

"I see you as Duffy, not damaged." He tried to reassure her.

"Even though you know where he's been?" She swallowed.

"Believe me, if I could get my hands on the bastard that did this to you..." He began angrily but then softened, "But this does not affect how I see you."

She laughed sadly, "of course."

"You don't believe me?"

She shook her head, "I'm used and damaged."

"Duffy, you are only those things if you let them define you."

"I am those things!"

"No, you are stronger and resilient, a bloody good nurse and you will get through this."

She didn't answer but put the sponge down on the side.

"You're my best friend, you know."

She thought how she'll always be his best friend but nothing more because of /him/. 

"I'd really like to hold you, but I know that this is probably a scary concept right now."

"When I finish my bath?" She whispered back.

"Absolutely. Do you want me to find you some pyjamas."

"Please." She gave a small smile.

He had tried to not look at her, to give her privacy but he caught her smile. "Top drawer on the left?" He asked.

"You know it well."

He had remembered from one of the few times he'd stayed over. He wasn't sure that would ever be happening again. Retrieving the pair of pyjamas, he came back to the bathroom and put them on the toilet and left the room again.

She smiled, maybe Charlie was right, maybe she could be ok?

Duffy got out of the bath and pulled the plug. 

When she had got dressed, she noticed Charlie was lent against the doorway, his back to her.

"Charlie?"

"Yes love?" He whispered, turning around.

"Would you.... hold me?"

Her hair fell around her face in wet waves and she was visibly shaking. "Come here you." He said that familiar expression made with open arms. She stepped into his arms despite her reservayions and breathed a sigh of relief as she rested her head against his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her but gently, "It's going to be okay."

She didn't speak, she just inhaled becoming instantly comforted by his smell.

He stood there for a while listening to her breathing, her cheek against his chest.

"Will you stay the night?"

"Would you feel safer if I did?"

She nodded shyly. 

"I can stay, do you want me to sleep on the sofa? Give you some space?"

Duffy shook her head. 

"Okay." He understood and she stepped back. Taking a deep breath, Duffy battled with her insides but she slowly reached out and took Charlie's hand. She then made him follow her to her bedroom. Although she was scared of letting someone touch her, she needed Charlie. He was the only man she'd felt safe with and she needed him more than ever.

He was scared and confused, he wanted to support her but he had anticipated that she'd need space, but it seemed she needed him, instead.

"Charlie?"

"Duffy?" He mirrored.

"I want to fall asleep in your arms."

He nodded, as she climbed into bed. 

"You can change into the pyjamas you left." She said quietly as she lay on her back and watched him.

"Okay." It all felt so wrong now, him having pyjamas at her house. He changed into them quickly and climbed into bed next to her. She rolled onto her side and rested her head against his chest, letting out a contented sigh. He held her in his arms.

"This doesn't change how I feel about you." Charlie whispered.

She nodded, her head still on his chest.

He kissed her forehead lightly, "and I want to be there for you. Thanks for letting me in."

She kissed his chest, a faint smile on her face.

He held her in his arms until she finally managed to fall asleep.


End file.
